How to be an Ally to Non-Binary People

”Non-binary is a term for people whose gender doesn’t sit comfortably with ‘man’ or ‘woman’. Non-binary identities are varied,” and this means that every non-binary person is unique (Stonewall.org.uk). Being an active and supportive ally means treating everyone with respect and being open to each person’s gender, identity, and preferences. 

You may feel like you have to get it right all the time, but that isn’t the key to being an ally. The best thing you can do is stay informed and be willing to make mistakes, and learn from them. We’ve pulled together some top tips to help you be an ally to non-binary people.

Being an active ally

• Introduce yourself with your pronouns and state them in your email signature or social media profile. By doing this, you’re helping create a safe space where people can feel more comfortable sharing their own pronouns. 

• If someone has shared their pronouns with you, use them. Correctly using pronouns shows that you respect who they are. 

• You can ask how to use their pronouns. For example, if someone’s pronouns are he/they, they may prefer one over the other or like for them to be switched up. Do bear in mind that people’s preferences can be fluid and change over time.

• Use more inclusive language. When referring to a group instead of using terms such as ‘guys’ or ‘ladies and gentlemen’ try using ‘folks’, ‘everyone’, ‘ya’ll’ or ‘pals.’ You can also try using words that define the relationship rather than the gender of the people, such as ‘partner’, ‘sibling’, ‘friend’, and ‘children’. 

• Avoid assuming someone’s gender or identity by using ‘they’ when someone’s gender or identity is unknown. This may seem odd, but you already do this! If your friend is telling you a story about someone and you don’t know the gender or identity of this unnamed person, you’ll usually use a gender-neutral pronoun like ‘they’ to refer to this unnamed person. Try this whenever you meet or hear about someone for the first time since names and appearance are not accurate indicators of gender or identity. 

• Don’t be afraid to be corrected. If someone corrects you, it isn’t personal. Instead, try to reframe your thinking. Each correction is about helping you learn a new skill. Apologise, make the correction and move on. 

• Understand that gendered spaces can be challenging for a non-binary person. Using a bathroom or changing room can be difficult, so be supportive and respectful of how they choose to use that space. 

Learn more about allyship and non-binary people

We’ve covered the foundations but there’s lots of external resources where you can learn more about non-binary genders and identities, including more ways to be an ally.

• If you’re a beginner to gender identity, check out Amnesty’s helpful guide. 

• Stonewall is a leading LGBTQ+ organisation. You can read their article about 10 ways to be an ally or learn more about LGBTQ+ terms. You can also read a first-hand account of being non-binary person in the UK today. 

• Trans Equality has a page where you can read about non-binary people and how to be respectful. 

• Read an article by Them to practice your gender-neutral pronouns.